Women

[Werne]

Women are marvelous creatures, aren't they? They are kind, loving, beautiful and can make us guys do anything they want when they look at us with those cute puppy eyes. And if you fall in love you'll have a life of happiness you can share with the woman you love. Yeah... there's just one problem.

 

And that problem is living with them.

 

Now don't take it wrong, I have a girlfriend I live with and really love. And while the time we spend is really great, there are situations where I'd rather walk through a minefield than talk with her. At least I know what will happen when I step on a mine while talking with her is like defusing a very complicated bomb I have no time to examine to be sure which wire to cut. But in the end it doesn't matter since all the wires are wrong ones anyway http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/wallbash.gif

 

One of those bombs blew up in my face this morning. We woke up for work and I decided to lay around just a bit longer, which was a huge mistake. She got up, got dressed, and asked me how she looks before looking herself in the mirror. In situations like this no answer is the correct one, believe me. In a very short time I had to think, I answered "Looks good" which was another huge mistake even though she really did look good. Two minutes later she ran in yapping how I was willing to let her go out while she looks like crap. http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/blink.gif

 

What the...? I don't even... http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/psyduck.gif

 

Now I'll have to listen about this every morning for a week. The same thing happens if she asks me how the food tastes before she tries it, if it's not the way she wanted it to be I get yapped at.

 

And the suffering, we went shopping yesterday, you can't imagine the horror I went through. Six hours of walking from store to store just so she can buy herself a pair of jeans. Listening about shoes, coats, dresses, shirts and pants was so painful I wanted to jump out of a window. Damn bulletproof glass http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/dry.gif

 

When I go shopping, I go into the first store and immediately pick out a thing I like, no looking around for hours to find something that looks slightly better. And the talking, I don't talk about power tools and screwdrivers when we go to a hardware store so why does she have to talk about clothes when we go to a clothes shop? And if I pretend to listen to her, I get slapped and yapped at. http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/facepalm.gif

 

These are just small disputes, we only had one actual fight in four years we've been together and we resolved it pretty quickly.

 

 

 

 

But even though I went through numerous horrors with her, there are also beautiful things that are worth all the suffering, like her smile, the way she snuggles up to me at night, seeing her sleep on my shoulder in the morning, the look in her eyes when she's happy, the way her voice sounds when she's excited, etc.

 

Little things but they mean a lot to me. I might sometimes feel like being tortured but I can't imagine my life without her. http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/wub.gif

 

 

 

 

So guys (single ones and especially ones that are still too young for a serious relationship), if you think having a girlfriend is great, awesome and what not, it is. But you have to know that it's not gonna be nice and peachy all the time. You have to be patient, strong-willed and honest in order to have a lasting relationship. Mostly honest, women have a built-in lie detector, can slap pretty good even though they appear weak and they will never, ever forget that you lied to them, never.

 

Well, I guess that's all. If anyone has any suggestions on how to avoid being yapped at, feel free to share them. And if anyone actually understands women, feel free to write a book, all men in this world will forever be grateful to you, I'd even build you a golden monument http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/yes.gif

Edited January 8, 2013 by Werne

[Aegrus]

This is why I will never have a meaningful relationship with a woman (or man, heh). I couldn't handle it. I'm just too insane. XD

 

Edit-- Jorie, I know you're reading this. :3 You made me eat my words. Thank you for that, so much. :blush:

Edited December 5, 2013 by Aegrus

[Lanceor]

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus etc. etc. Humans have been giving themselves migraines trying (and failing) to figure each other out for millions of years. I've given the following talk to many of my friends who are having relationship problems and it seems to help them. :)

 

The problem is that guys and girls are just wired differently. The harder we try to figure each other out, the more confused we get because our thinking processes are completely different. One gender's thinking process isn't any better than the other, but often, the best solution is some middle ground between the two. I'm a guy, so ladies, please forgive me if my descriptions of a woman's thinking process aren't spot on, but this is how *I* understand it and what *I* do to try to communicate better.

 

Let's start by accepting the following three points:

 

• 
   
  
• Men are mostly logic and action/reaction driven - we see a problem, discuss a plan, carry out an action to get a desired result. Women will often see our thoughts and actions as lacking in feeling or emotion. I often describe guys as being like a computer or Mr Spock. I use the term emotional morons to describe us.
  

• 
   
  
• Women are more emotionally driven - when a woman says something, there is often an emotional component. Men will often completely fail to notice that emotional component, and see the remainder as an illogical, roundabout request for some indeterminate action. Of course, it is very frustrating when a logical answer completely fails to answer an emotional question! I often suggest to women that they assume all guys to be emotional morons (in a respectful way of course).
  

• 
   
  
• It can be very difficult, if not impossible, for a man think like a woman or for a woman to think like a man. If an action by a member of the opposite sex makes no sense, analysing it further is probably going to make it even more confusing. Just accept it as something that has a completely legitimate reason but is incomprehensible for members of your gender.

To highlight how the differences cause problems, here's a short conversation my girlfriend and I had the other day:

 

Her: "Aren't you coming to bed?"

Me: "I have work to do so I'll be going to bed later."

A logical interpretation of the above:

 

Her: QUERY { Scheduled sleep time }

Me: OUTPUT {12:30 am }

An emotional interpretation of the above:

 

Her: I'm going to sleep now and we should have a hug and a cuddle until I fall asleep because I love you and you love me.

Me: I don't love you as much as I love my work.

As you can see, just two sentences have sown the seeds for a massive argument!

 

To get around these differences, it can be very beneficial for a couple to have a discussion and make some agreements centred on how to get what they want from each other - without any anger, blame, spite or ego. The couple needs to accept that both of them have needs that makes no sense to the other, but these needs are real. They need to understand that the best way to receive what they want from a partner is to ask in a way that the partner understands. And they must understand that although certain actions may seem strange and unnatural, it's a win:win if both partners are able to give each other what they want and need.

 

Anyway, to give you an idea of how it could work, the below is what my girlfriend and I have promised each other based on our needs. Other couples will have differing needs of course.

 

My promises to her:

1. 
    
   
2. I may not understand her need for emotional connection, but I accept that her need is real and is just as important as any of my needs.
   
3. Even though thinking emotionally is difficult and tiring for me, I'll try my best to show love and affection whenever I can, especially at the times that I suspect that she needs it.
   
4. I will try my best to be respond to her emotional needs... but often I won't know when or how. I'm happy to receive her kind and patient guidance on this.
   
5. She will occasionally need some IMMEDIATE ATTENTION. I'll probably fail to notice this at first, but if she says something like "I need some love now!", I'll drop whatever I'm doing and give her my undivided attention.
   
6. If I'm totally confused at why she's acting strangely, I'll ask the logical questions "Are you angry at me?" and then "What would you like me to do about it?"
   

Her promises to me:

1. 
    
   
2. She may not understand my need to be logical and practical, but she accepts that my need is real and is just as important as any of her needs.
   
3. She'll accept that being emotional is difficult and tiring for me. She's welcome to ask for as much love from me as she needs, but accepts that I can't be like that 24/7. She'll appreciate the effort that I put into it even if I end up getting it wrong.
   
4. If I'm not responding in the way that she wants, she should kindly and patiently keep trying to tell me in different (and sometimes oddly logical) ways to direct my clumsy efforts.
   
5. If she really needs my love RIGHT NOW and I'm not giving it to her, it's not because I don't want to - it's because I'm an emotional moron and I've failed to notice. She needs to say something like "I need some love now!" to jar me into action.
   
6. She understands that if I ask the logical questions "Are you angry at me?" and "What would you like me to do about it?", it's not because I'm being insensitive. It's because although I'm an emotional moron, I genuinely want to make her feel better and could do with some guidance.
   

 

:)

[Illiad86]

And the suffering, we went shopping yesterday, you can't imagine the horror I went through. Six hours of walking from store to store just so she can buy herself a pair of jeans. Listening about shoes, coats, dresses, shirts and pants was so painful I wanted to jump out of a window. Damn bulletproof glass

 

Dear God, I wouldn't put up with that...and I'm a woman :P I HATE clothes shopping with a passion, I don't see how any woman likes it. Gotta try on 20 pairs of jeans just to find the right ones. Yeah, they are all the same size you supposedly wear, but nearly half of them don't fit...argh! haha :P

 

Coming from a woman, the "yapping" your gf is pulling seems kinda over the top. I would never yap at my boyfriend for a week for something he said "wrong". I wouldn't complain about food and yell at him for it. Just my opinion, she sounds like one of those women that wants to nag/yap to start drama. Ugh, I hate drama...creates stress to the body and mind of both parties, what's the point?

 

We are strange creatures indeed haha. Lanceor has it right that we respond more emotionally than men on many subjects. I dunno, we are all different. I don't respond as emotionally as most I suppose. If my boyfriend has work to do and he has to stay up late, go ahead. Half the time I fall asleep before we both get to bed anyways :laugh:

[Dark0ne]

I'll just put this here, to remind ourselves of a better time. And then hide ;)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

[Werne]

I WILL NEVER BREAK.

Yeah, well, keep thinking like that. I repeated that same thing in my mind over and over with every woman I dated and see how that turned out.

 

Women are like Borg, resistance is futile and you will be assimilated, it's just a matter of time http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/biggrin.gif

 

I think feminists with short hair are hotter than any model. If I were to have a girlfriend, they would need to be interested in philosophical debate more than make-up and shopping. I value reliability more than flowery words, honesty more than pillow-talk. I care about intellect, not appearances, and from what I've seen of the world so far, that would devastate most women.

Most men think like that, it's just that smart, reliable women are hard to find these days. Most girls I dated were like chicken, no brain and they cluck all the time. And I don't know why but most women around here are more interested in how they look than how much brainpower they have, it's confusing and sometimes annoying.

 

• Men are mostly logic and action/reaction driven - we see a problem, discuss a plan, carry out an action to get a desired result. Women will often see our thoughts and actions as lacking in feeling or emotion. I often describe guys as being like a computer or Mr Spock. I use the term emotional morons to describe us.

• Women are more emotionally driven - when a woman says something, there is often an emotional component. Men will often completely fail to notice that emotional component, and see the remainder as an illogical, roundabout request for some indeterminate action. Of course, it is very frustrating when a logical answer completely fails to answer an emotional question! I often suggest to women that they assume all guys to be emotional morons (in a respectful way of course).

• It can be very difficult, if not impossible, for a man think like a woman or for a woman to think like a man. If an action by a member of the opposite sex makes no sense, analysing it further is probably going to make it even more confusing. Just accept it as something that has a completely legitimate reason but is incomprehensible for members of your gender.

I'd add one more thing.

 

Even though we men do have emotions, we rarely act on them. For example, when someone gives me a snide comment while I'm angry, I'l just give him a "I'll tear you apart" look and move on. My girlfriend on the other hand would really tear him apart without even considering her actions beforehand (she would, she knows Krav-Maga and I taught her Systema, not the very best idea now that I think of it).

 

Her: "Aren't you coming to bed?"

Me: "I have work to do so I'll be going to bed later."

A logical interpretation of the above:

 

Her: QUERY { Scheduled sleep time }

Me: OUTPUT {12:30 am }

An emotional interpretation of the above:

 

Her: I'm going to sleep now and we should have a hug and a cuddle until I fall asleep because I love you and you love me.

Me: I don't love you as much as I love my work.

As you can see, just two sentences have sown the seeds for a massive argument!

You... you understand that? You must be The Chosen One http://best-otherside.ru/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/kneel-smiley.gif

 

And the suffering, we went shopping yesterday, you can't imagine the horror I went through. Six hours of walking from store to store just so she can buy herself a pair of jeans. Listening about shoes, coats, dresses, shirts and pants was so painful I wanted to jump out of a window. Damn bulletproof glass

 

Dear God, I wouldn't put up with that...and I'm a woman :P I HATE clothes shopping with a passion, I don't see how any woman likes it. Gotta try on 20 pairs of jeans just to find the right ones. Yeah, they are all the same size you supposedly wear, but nearly half of them don't fit...argh! haha :P

Well, she's a bit of a perfectionist so it's not a shopping with passion, it's a "it needs to look exactly like the ones in my mind" kind of shopping. Since I'm chaos and she's order, shopping with her is a very painful experience for me.

 

Coming from a woman, the "yapping" your gf is pulling seems kinda over the top. I would never yap at my boyfriend for a week for something he said "wrong". I wouldn't complain about food and yell at him for it. Just my opinion, she sounds like one of those women that wants to nag/yap to start drama. Ugh, I hate drama...creates stress to the body and mind of both parties, what's the point?

Nah, you got it all wrong, she yaps because she likes to see me squirm. And I yap because I like to see her squirm. But neither of us likes to be yapped at. Its kinda like tennis but the participants are yapping at each other instead of smacking the ball and no one likes to lose. Confusing, isn't it? http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/laugh.gif

 

But she does have the right to yap about some things, like when I don't listen to her. She always listens when I talk about things she doesn't care about (engines, tools, etc.) but when she starts talking about something I don't care about (clothes, makeup, furniture, etc.) my brain just shuts down. Even if I want to listen, I can't, it's like the brain has some kind of a self-defense mechanism. Unfortunately, it doesn't protect from slaps or that terrible feeling in my gut when she finds out I didn't process a word she said http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/sad.gif

 

I'll just put this here, to remind ourselves of a better time. And then hide ;)

That reminds me of a road trip to Zagreb with my great-grandparents.

 

Her: I think we should ask for directions, dear http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/unsure.gif

Him: Quiet woman, I've been driving for 60 years, I know what I'm doing http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/cool.gif

 

Two hours later, we got lost somewhere in Bosnia. http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/laugh.gif

 

But at least it taught me a valuable lesson, always ask for directions.

[Lanceor]

Hahaha! I'm not the Chosen One... but I did major in psychology and I have been studying a lot of female psychology for ah.... personal reasons. ;) If I'm specifically looking out for the emotional content of what a woman says, I can usually deduce what she means. But this is very tiring and I certainly can't keep doing it all the time. As a result, I'm still an emotional moron most of the time. :P

 

More useful tidbits:

 

Women tend to talk because... that's what they like to do. It's like a pastime to them and they can happily talk all day about nothing in particular. (There's nothing wrong with this mind you - working on engines and telling fart jokes are like pastimes to us.) For us guys, talking = action. We can give instructions, explain things, tell jokes and discuss ideas but seldom will we say things that aren't intended to get something done. So Werne, that's why in your case, your girlfriend listens when you talk (chatting is a pastime), but your brain turns off when she talks (your brain isn't wired for conversation that doesn't lead to action).

 

As for the asking for directions thing - it's well proven that men tend to find their way around using distance and direction (compared to women who tend to use landmarks). Asking for directions is an admission that his ability to determine distance and direction has failed. With the huge ego us guys are known for, you can see why asking for directions is like an admission of lack of masculinity for us. ;)

[bben46]

Flowers usually work wonders - especially when you have absolutely no clue what you did wrong - and she isn't telling. There seems to be some unwritten rule that a woman can never tell a man what it was that really set her off - Or, she doesn't know either, and is not telling because she doesn't know. :wallbash:

 

Asking what is wrong is the exact wrong thing to ask. - I have no clue what the right thing is. :rolleyes:

 

Asking "are you mad at me" usually gets an icy NO! along with a turn of her head away and a lift of her nose up that - at least to me says she is mad at you. And is not going to tell you why even under torture. :pinch:

 

"Do I look good in this?" - Neither yes or no is a valid answer - I have found "You always look good to me" works most of the time. Another one for those outfits that really do look bad. "You make that outfit look good." :tongue:

 

When in doubt, Flowers. :thumbsup:

 

But despite all of my faults (of course she doesn't have any that I will admit to) she still tolerates me most of the time. :biggrin:

 

BTW, I am lucky that MY GF would rather look at, and discuss, hardware than clothes. And even knows the difference between a Phillips and Apex screwdriver (Most men don't even know that.) :cool:

[Werne]

Hahaha! I'm not the Chosen One... but I did major in psychology and I have been studying a lot of female psychology for ah.... personal reasons. ;) If I'm specifically looking out for the emotional content of what a woman says, I can usually deduce what she means. But this is very tiring and I certainly can't keep doing it all the time. As a result, I'm still an emotional moron most of the time. :P

Well, you're still much better than me, I can't understand a thing. Then again, I sometimes can't understand my own emotions either http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/unsure.gif

 

Women tend to talk because... that's what they like to do. It's like a pastime to them and they can happily talk all day about nothing in particular. (There's nothing wrong with this mind you - working on engines and telling fart jokes are like pastimes to us.) For us guys, talking = action. We can give instructions, explain things, tell jokes and discuss ideas but seldom will we say things that aren't intended to get something done. So Werne, that's why in your case, your girlfriend listens when you talk (chatting is a pastime), but your brain turns off when she talks (your brain isn't wired for conversation that doesn't lead to action).

Huh, I never thought about it like that. But it's true, if there's no action, my thoughts just drift away.

 

I now hate mother nature, it would be much simpler if we were the same but no, there needs to be diversity http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/dry.gif

 

As for the asking for directions thing - it's well proven that men tend to find their way around using distance and direction (compared to women who tend to use landmarks). Asking for directions is an admission that his ability to determine distance and direction has failed. With the huge ego us guys are known for, you can see why asking for directions is like an admission of lack of masculinity for us. ;)

And that's why I bought a GPS, solved the "We're lost" yapping problem and no need to ask for directions as long as I update the charts http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/happy.gif

 

Flowers usually work wonders - especially when you have absolutely no clue what you did wrong - and she isn't telling.

Tried that once, let' just say I was lucky I didn't buy the ones in a vase http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/sweat.gif

 

Stuffed animals work every time though.

 

Asking "are you mad at me" usually gets an icy NO! along with a turn of her head away and a lift of her nose up that - at least to me says she is mad at you. And is not going to tell you why even under torture. :pinch:

Last time I asked her if she's mad at me, I ended up with a black eye. But she wasn't mad anymore after that so I guess it was a good thing to ask. Painful for my ego though http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/sad.gif

 

"Do I look good in this?" - Neither yes or no is a valid answer - I have found "You always look good to me" works most of the time. Another one for those outfits that really do look bad. "You make that outfit look good." :tongue:

Sweet talk, simple yet effective. How come I haven't thought of that? http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/huh.gif

 

But despite all of my faults (of course she doesn't have any that I will admit to) she still tolerates me most of the time. :biggrin:

Well, she does need to open the pickle jar somehow http://forums.nexusmods.com/public/style_emoticons/dark/tongue.gif

 

By the way, what's with women and pickle jars? Only one woman I've met was able to open it by herself. Then again, I saw her pulling an engine out of a Pinzgauer with her bare hands so I guess jars don't bother her much.

[Nintii]

Ah well Werne, bottom line is she loves you ... it's so obvious :thumbsup: Edited January 10, 2013 by Nintii