Malchik

Unfortunately for Pack Rat he completely misreads what has happened. Malchik Clone has activated Peregrines warp, weft and woof. Pack Rat is surprised to have an ice-ceam, pistachio flavour, drop onto his head from a great height. Malchik, in hell, decides to have a long lunch. He orders grilled soul. OOC> MALCHIK IS OUT TO LUNCH UNTIL TOMORROW!

5th floor! I'll go and get stuck in. But what was that about a cmac? Is that like a bigmac only different?

"Where's the women, man?" Malchik Clone believes he will be going on a blinder shortly and therefore declines the drink. "I wouldn't mind a snags cavewhich."

Malchik Clone 98axtype3 'lounge lizard/gigolo', hears the mega-voice and schmoozes over to get a piece of the action.

Thankful that, in spite of the snow, hell has not yet frozen over Malchik peers into his Scrying glass of Galadriel (second hand). It appears that the multiverse has been destoyed and reconstituted several times in forty-eight hours! He sends an enchanted email to ShinJiOh. "What have you done with Pack Rat's toilet paper?" He them sends the flea army after Armenia using bats as hosts. They're going like bats out of hell. (Well they are!) The heat melts all the snow around Armenia. The flea-bat army them thunders off towards Mojlnir awaiting instructions. Malchik clone has arrived where New Dehli had been before Acrid had destroyed it. He falls through a black hole and lands on Peregrine. He begins to sing. "I'm dreaming of a white christmas." Unfortunately he only has two notes in his voice and one of those is b flat! Malchik finds it comfy in hell and is not inclined to move himself.

In Utopia, Malchik prepares for his next move. He comes up with a brilliant strategy and whistles to himself 'Can't help lovin' that plan of mine' from the well loved musical Snowboat. A dusky maiden presents him with the the account to date. Malchik gulps but says to himself "It's just my bill!" and then adds reassuringly "It's only make believe." However the need to get out of Utopia before the natives become restless is now imperative. Setting the flees onto the dusky maidens he fleas. (Er???) Well, something like that. He can stay with his old friend Pluto in hell. Yeah it's out in the Styx but whose Charon about that! He ought to be safe for the night. None of the vicious tyrants scheming elsewhere will fire their weapons there. Everyone knows a snowball's chance in hell! Pluto is not the wisest god, in fact he is so backward he usually spelled dog, in which guise he accompanies Michael Mouse. Much to the annoyance of Cerberus. Still the warmth makes a nice change. He intends to rest for at least two days! OOC> Have a good weekend y'all!

Malchik clone 89 disintegrates under the onslaught. Malchik clone 90 sends a burst of freezing water at LALALA who shoots in the air and lands on top of AdamNeko. They are both blasted into the Vine covered building and come face to face with Faust_87!

Malchik strolls back into the casino restaurant having taken a quick walk in the Black Forest with Horst Jankowski. Some pesky toddler is snowballing up his old buddy Shin! He sends a flea after the loon. loveme4whoiam is bitten and infected with the illusion that he is a member of Albareth's pink bunny club and can only hip hop! Malchik quickly leaves for an afternoon siesta in Utopia. (ooc>falls asleep at his desk!)

"No worries! I've got a right sock enchanted with 'endless grog supply' 100. When you need anything shout. I'm going walkabout for a while. If you're sparko when I return I'll watch your back for you." Malchik passes over the sock and goes off to explore the mysteries of a strange vine-covered building he has seen in the distance.

"Bit bodgy, this place. Mojlnir's let it slide. Reckon he's a dipstick." Malchik sees that Shin's attention has wandered, looking for someone. "Was that old MB? Shouldn't throw things at him. Not because of the marxist bit - it's the other part of his name." "We want to get on the side of the tall poppies, mate. Any idea who's gonna win?"

In the restaurant of the Casino two waiters hurry up. "This is no byo." The first complains haughtily. Malchik whacks him into infinity (Utah) with a Castlemaine. To the now grovelling second waiter Malchik growls: "My mate here is taking a sickie, he wants a cavewich. I'll have a plate of snags and how about some of that raw prawn?" He offers ShinJiOh a coldie tallie.

Malchik replies. "Sure but the last I saw, the Casino was on fire. You gotta a spoon that fire's water to put it out? You can't have a coldie in the middle of a barbie after all!"

Malchik floats after ShinJiOh shouting "Hey there cobber, don't bail out. Whadda you running to the back of the Bourke for? Sit down and share a coldie, mate." He produces a crate of the amber nectar.

Malchik opens his eyes and realises the Vogon ship has emptied its cargo, including him, into Deep Space 9. Fortunately a Stargate is floating beside him. Leaping through he finds himself face to face with ShinJiOh lamenting the absence of a cave witch. "I believe I can set you up with a very attractive witchette." He says while quickly counting the spoons. "She's really wonderful, except she has cold..." He can still not remember which part of a witch is cold. Maybe he'll be able to put his finger on it later. "If you'd just like to put on these boots of instant vaporisation, I'll sort the little lady out for you in no time."

Mumbling in his dreams Malchik mutters that as Acrid is completely bananas all his weapons are by now totally imaginary!

In Purgatory New Jersey, Malchik dusts's off the vaporisation of oblvion with a glass of red biddy. The time of retirement is on him. He shakes his head over the insane Acrid, who would destroy a million innocent people to get one man. He hitches a ride in the belly of a Vogon space ship and falls asleep to the sound of boring poetry. He remembers the cave witches in his dreams, one in particular sings loudly about a wizard's staff having a knob on the end. He wonders about this as darkness overtakes him. OOC> Night, night.

Realising how kind and just Acrid's rule would be from the actions of the said tyrant, Malchik casts reverse time and reinstates everything Acrid had attempted to eliminate. He then screams into the void "where are these clones coming from?" He zooms back to New Dehli to await the arrival of his singing clone. This creature is tunelessly intoning something about his girl in Kalamazoo. Although why would anyone look for a girl in a file?

Malchik drops a lollipop on top of Acrid. It is pink and sticky with the words 'eat me' inscribed in white icing. It is so utterly irrestistible Acrid eats it in one. He immediately shrinks to a mere speck where upon the flea army beat him into a pulp in revenge for the attack on the Malchik clone. With the flea army regrouped Malchik lopes off to New Dehli to ask the clone where it originated from. His parting words of advice to the now restored to normal size, bloodied but still living Acrid are "Anything you can do I can do better!" But then he realising that that is another opening to another show. "Sorry, old tweezer, live under YOUR rule? Eat my dust." He twiddles the left cufflink of 'get back before you'd even left' and arrives in New Dehli three days ahead of himself. Meanwhile....

When the real Malchik lifts the blind he is exhausted, even though his weapon had been enchanted for extra endurance! Still, with so many juicy melons to slice open it had been well used. He surveys the scene through his scrying glass (second hand). Everyone is asleep, or in hiding, or generally defunct. Perhaps it is a good time to try to discover where all the Malchik clones are coming from. It would be nice to know WHO HAD THE BRAZEN CHEEK! Various forms of torture tickle Malchik's mind but he is a peaceful man at heart and is unlikely to do anything worse than hanging drawing and sixteenthing. He notices Clone 1 has fallen asleep and is well on the way to New Dehli. He wonders why?

Malchik clone is quite enjoining Oblivion OK. It orders a torpedo, cavewiches being unavailable, and wanders into the countryside. It notices the corn is as high as an Ogrim Titan's eye and feels the wind come pushing down the plain. It hitches a ride in a cute little buggy with fringe on the top. "Where do you want to go?" The driver asks. "Take me back to the Black Hills, to the beautiful Indian country that I love." The clone replies. The driver sets a course northwards to Pierre. It will take a little time. In Utopia it is lunch time. A dusky maiden is offering her melons to Malchik. He pulls down a blind and forbids anyone else to see what he is going to get his teeth into. A big sign flashes up. "Malchik is out to lunch!"

Malchik chortles over the thought that anyone has anything secret in this arena. He sends the enchanted email now covered with ShinJiOh's drool, Acrid's passed water and a squashed bloody flea, straight into the centre of Pack-Rat's domain. It reads. "Boo!"

The Malchik clone (where do they keep coming from? The real Malchik is in another dimension.) is not seriously annoyed. It addresses ShinJiOh. "G'day, mate. You one of those banana-benders as well as spoon benders?" It eats the snowball.

Malchik vomits away his hangover. He notices yet another Malchik clone has been attacked on earth and wonders who is producing them. Since he was so drunk he would never have noticed the beating anyway. He sends an enchanted email to ShinJiOh requesting him to build him an ice fortress with enchanted cavewich girls. The fleas are not attached, still sleeping off the alcoholic blood they sucked from Malchik overnight. Amazing that all these individuals throwing nuclear snowballs imagine they can build anything indestructable. All Malchik needs to do is roll back time. However he is a benevolent mood and lets them play for a bit longer.

Malchik falls into a drunken stupor from which nothing can awaken him until the morning. OOC> Night night!

Malchik's clone relays the message to Utopia where Malchik is slowly drifting into a hazy of alcoholic forgetfulness it being that time again. Yet he can manage one more Jeroboam surely? In reply to Mojlnir's message he mumbles "Cave witch? I once fell in love with a cave witch. She was cold, especially..." He cannot remember which part of the witch was especially cold. Vaguely he recollects asking about ShinJiOh's cavewhich. "Save me a crumb or two. I am not really hungry just now but soon I may empty my stomach. There are these dusky maidens..." He tries to focus. "At least I think they're dusky." He tries harder to focus. "And I hope they're maidens!" He slumps towards Oblivion (a small town in Oklahoma) where he intends to piss the night. Moderators warning: Be careful of your typing. I presume you meant 'pass the night'.