Malchik

Acrid receives an enchanted email. It is blank. The microscopic flea bites him so gently he cannot notice. He is instantly infected with the illusion that he must be nice to everyone no matter what they do to him.

Mojlnir gets an enchanted email from Utopia. "Have you tasted ShinJiOh's cavewhich yet? I wondered if it was a new kind of sub. Please email me [email protected] if it's any - hic - good!" The attached flea bites Mojlnir and temporarily makes him believe he is a potter called Harry.

An enchanted email floats down knocking Doctor C on the head and getting stuck across LALALA's eyes. "To anyone who reads this. I am stuck in Utopia surrounded by all these go go dancers who are taking off... taking off... taking off for Harrisburg Pa. But I am watching you through my rusty - er - trusty scrying glass (second hand). Why is lovemeforwhoIam hiding in someone else's form? Where have all the flowers gone? And why is there always this funny echo associated with the bunny man?" Malchik allows a local houri to undress - his salad. "Naked leaves are mucho macho", he burbles. His mind distracted by an excess of grape juice. (The fermented kind)

Malchik too uses his trousers to escape to plug-in Utopia for lunch. He leaves a note for Peregrine saying he has defended his corporal form thus far and will be back later. He disappears from the arena.

Malchik's flea is still hopping up and down trying to give Switch his replacement limbs. Switch gets an enchanted email. !niaga uoy ees ot dooG. ereht, iH

Wazzat? Malchik is started by the unexpected attack of Rat Pack - er - Pack Rat. He is there to defend Peregrine who remains comatose (most likely drunk). It is the Rat's turn to be fleaed alive. This flea carries the enchantment to make the Rat feel he is Lord of the Rings - er I mean Universe. Meanwhile Shinjioh is attacking some Malchik clone. Where did that come from? He sends another enchanted email. "Watch out, I have an instantly inflatable Uri Geller in my 'How to create a nuclear warhead for the under fives' construction set. He can deal with your spoons!"

Malchik realise it is his greatest friend and most hated enemy* Switch. *This depends on whether the Switch is in the on or off position. He sends another flea out with an instant arm prosthesis. Hearing drunken babble about cocoa he fires of an enchanted email telling Acrid that he is starting society to stand up for he rights of Cocoa beans. "Those poor little bosmers don't have a chance against bullies like you. Yah boo sucks!" How can people can see me? He wonders. Does the scrying glass work both ways? I'll have to have a word with that second hand car salesman!

One of Malchik's fleas bites Switch who believes he is the Prince of Persia and can control the sands of time. As he hastily runs into the future he collides painfully with Acrid's modern art!

Cornflakes digested and no movement from bird man, Malchik is getting restive. He feels flaky - something to do with having missed his mouth when consuming his breakfast perhaps. He mutters to one of his leading doom fleas of infect illusion: "Go forth and multiply, add, subtract and do algebra. Spread the illusion that there is a vast and expensive gold plated Hershey Bar at the centre of the universe." He stretches out hoping nobody is about to (or possibly already has) destroyed his peace and quiet. The fleas jump away on their mission.

Malchik wonders how the snow has penetrated into the depth's of Peregrine's hideaway and bats it back whence it came with a choice selection of doom fleas. These immediately attack Shin's shins burrowing beneath the skin to produce the 'OMIGOD I can see an army of pink bunny rabbits flying towards me' illusion. It is clear he has knocked Peregrine senseless by landing on his head. (Unless there was no sense there to begin with?) So he eats a bowl of cornflakes and continues to wait for the bird man to come round. With another quick glance into his 'Galadriel super beta tested scrying bowl' he sees that there are restless natives afeet - or should it be afoots?

Malchik, only slightly hungover crawls out of his sleeping bag and finds he is in an ice cave, Gnngg???? Quickly getting rid of the last of the brandy and dressing in his trusty multi-dimensional trousers of ubiquity, Malchik studies events in a scrying glass that looks very like a bird bath in a very well know film. So. Everyone is against Peregrine are they? Donning the shirt of morphing and the underpants of interstellar travel he realsises he looks like a total pratt. He dresses again with the underpants inside the trousers and the shirt buttoning up at the front. He dematerialises to go in search of a peace offering and arrives uncomfortably landing on Peregrine's head clutching his gift - a box of Cornflakes. "Erm - hi. I've come to offer my help together with my army of uber-fleas that travel with me and - er - anyone who gets close to me."

After drinking the rest of the brandy, the heat of Malchik's feverous body melts the snow. He is last seen eating an icecream and wandering away in search of the bosoms of his family. Night night!

Being immune to cold Malchik takes out a bottle of medicinal Brandy and offers a swig to the pink bunny rabbits.

Malchik snaps the top off an icicle does a flying leap over the top of Peregrine's head and drops it down the back of the bird-man's shirt. He skids behind a conveniently placed snow dune.

One of the difficulties in trying to define any emotion, including love, is that they cannot be experienced vicariously. Whatever other people say, you can only experience them yourself. This adds two further difficulties, you can only speak within the level of your own experience and that such experience is relative. For instance, only when we know the state of 'not being happy' can we begin to define when we are happy and what makes us feel that way. The younger we are the less easy it is to define what love means to us. In the hormonal years of the early to mid teens it is mixed up with lust, infatuation, hero-worship, the desire to be liked and many other complicating factors. In all probabilty you cannot start to understand what love means to you until you begin to realise that something is missing from your life. In other words you have to have been in love and lost it to know. As you grow into adulthood (those who do grow mentally, not everyone does) you will also begin to isolate the aspects of lust etc. that are short-term and quickly satisfied as against the deeper more intense (and not entirely pleasant) feelings associated with love. The tragedy of it remains that, even then, you often do not recognise it until it has gone.

Actually I have not received a single reported message. Should I have done? I have changed my email address and now it is working.

So many kinds of love - aren't there? W H Auden wrote a song called 'Tell me the Truth about Love'. My favourite line is "When it comes, will it come without warning? Just as I'm picking my nose." That just about sums it all up.

Thanateros makes a valid point of seeking people that post every day. However it is not always so simple. A problem with international role play is the time difference. Even if I do post every day I often miss important information and even battles. My position is also compounded in that I can rarely post at weekends as the internet access is at work. I can get into the office at any time but it takes over an hour from where I live and to be somewhere I'd rather not have to be in my limited free time. In due course I will get access at home but not yet. Still, in the two role-plays I'm currently involved in there are others who post even more erratically so it seems the DMs can cope. If I pass the entrance examination, I would like to start a role play where the players take prescribed characters. I have discussed the possibility with several of the regular role-players and they seem to be prepared to give it a try. It would be a pre-requisite that these characters are working together and so the risks of unpleasantness should be reduced. It does remove freedom of choice of character and some might not like that but it would not reduce freedom of action within the RP itself. And as I am based in the UK I would not have to worry about everything exciting happening in the RPs when I am asleep! Do we have any info yet on when the new tests might start?

I have reported my own previous reply in this thread. Now you can see if it works y'all.

Well I have made the odd report directly by PMing the Moderators as they can confirm. I wasn't aware of the other feature I will check it out. Sometimes, though, a reply is an attempt to be helpful and stop the other person getting slammed. But I will accept the hand smacking and not do again sir. Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full sir!

Actually I didn't mean photographs of the posters but of say - cute and cuddly boa constrictors (and that is not a reference to the moderators - I think) or scenic views of the polar forests, the spectacular townscape of Gary, Indiana and the like. All right, all right - I know what all those hormonal teenagers will demand. What a silly idea! Retires worsted.

I'm a bit green here. Can we post photographs already? If not, maybe...

Am I allowed to take part, as a member of House Redoran we're more into conchology than mycology. That's for them wierdo Telvanni! Still perhaps you were thinking of magic mushrooms?

Any info on when the tests will start?

I have replied to Duskreaver by PM. My opinion, and I would stress that it is only an opinion, is that, except in the off-topic section and such like, posts should be either interesting, informative or amusing or should be seeking help. Other dialogues would be better sent via the PM system. I think the moderators here do a great job and if anything could be even harder than they are.