To the United States of America...

[Peregrine]

Hey we had our time, U.S. had their time, now let's see how the Chinese will do

 

Which is sit around wishing they were a major power, and then collapse under the failure of their economic and political system. Chinese power exists only within their own borders. The odds of a Chinese Empire are slightly less than those of hell not only existing, but of being frozen over.

[valdir]

Am I the only one that would willing except the British?

 

Can't be too sure why, but I'd enjoy it.

 

However, I consider Rugby a sport for people who can't play anything else... in America anyway. :rolleyes:

 

and Football>America Football

[Chaosmaker]

Isolation from the rest of the world produces a nice sense of superiority.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

I thought it produced snaggle-toothed banjo players?

 

 

*runs*

 

 

:lol:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

No thats only in the southern US in the north we have dentist's. :D

[Slaiv]

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

I already add the letter "u" to may words, thanks to my having read waaay too many old english novels.

 

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

I agree on this point. No more "Yo B whatup? Yo, Taquisha! What's shakin'? Thur it is!"

 

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

Skateboarding > Soccer [a.k.a. Football] > Basketball > Baseball > Hockey > Rugby > American Football > Garbage Collecting > Sewage Cleanup > NASCAR.

 

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "5hit".

Most Americans want to do that anyway.

 

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

It certainly looks to me like we decided. ;) Any you dare take away explosives from the hands of Americans? :P

 

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are cr*p and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

German cars are by far superior to all others. German cars, however, are not British cars. So stick with your "Jag-yu-ahs," and I'll stick with my Corvettes, Mustangs, and Benzes. P.S. Ban all Asian cars aside from the Subara WRX STi.

 

Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

And Americans eat fattening food?

 

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

The Boston Tea party took place in 1773. 2004 - 1773 = 301 years. If I recall, the British were oppressing the Colonists by imposing heavy taxes on them. If the U.S. took control of Britain and starting placing heavy taxes on goods sold there, I don't think that the British would sit back and relax.

 

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

Americans should stop complaining. On the other hand, it's America, not Britain - stop complaining, it's not your country.

 

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

Agreed. Americans are suing right and left, consequently raising taxes and prices for everyone.

 

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Don't ask. :shifty:

 

So, in fewer words, I'm split.

[valdir]

I just realized something:

 

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America.

 

Since when is Canada not a country? :blink:

[Abramul]

http://www.powerpointart.com/imagefolio/gallery/Maps/Map_Background_24.jpg

AMERICA

http://www.powerpointart.com/imagefolio/gallery/Maps/Map_Background_10.jpg

United States of America

(.) Rhode Island (between parentheses)

[valdir]

^^ Thanks, butthead. :angry:

 

colour

[Pack Rat]

I just realized something:

 

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America.

 

Since when is Canada not a country? :blink:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Aint that a 'merde'...

[Malchik]

The expression about killing lawyers is from Henry 6 but I can't recall which part. In the play the reasons why the lawyers were to be 'killed off' was that they were the progressives trying to get things changed for the better.

 

Times change, huh?

 

And the US has the most powerful military.

 

It needs it since the US has no interest in making friends. Unfortunately it won't be able to keep it that way without destroying the US economy. Short-termism never works but then hey Bush has less than four years already!

[Dark0ne]

What good is a big army when all the countries worth taking over have enough nukes to blow up the world? :rolleyes: