VesemirTheWitcher Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 http://stixite.com/comics/2011-11-21_Stx_SunAndMoon.png From stixite.com -- it's mostly boring, don't look it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VesemirTheWitcher Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 *sigh* I guess the number of clean and funny jokes is limited. I'll give this thread another shot in the arm, since I1's joke made me remember another oldie... A woman was walking along a beach when she finds a magic lamp. Rubbing the lamp, the obligatory genie appears and grants her three wishes. "There's one catch though." the genie says. "Anything you wish for, your husband will get exactly double the amount." Surprised, the woman replied "You mean that no-good, cheating excuse for a man that left me for a mistress half his age years ago?" "Yes, even if you have separated, he'll get double what you wish for." affirmed the genie. So the woman starts making her three wishes. "I wish I had a million dollars." Sure enough, a million dollars in crisp, brand new notes appeared at the woman's feet, and somewhere on the other side of the world, her ex-husband was surprised to see two million dollars raining down. "For my second wish, I wish to have a Ferrari in my garage." Thanks to the genie's magic, a Ferrari appeared in the woman's garage, and elsewhere, her ex-husband became the sudden owner of two Ferraris. "For my third wish, I wish you would scare me half to death." That one is just genius. You know, i heard something just like this, except it ended in favor of the ex husband: The woman asks the genie to give her a mild heart attack as her third wish.What did her husband get? A mild(er) heart attack! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VesemirTheWitcher Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 ALSO!! http://explosm.net/db/files/Comics/guest6/CRW_jay_a_reaction.png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nosisab Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 When the graveside service had no more than terminated,there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied bya distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,"Well, she's there and it is His problem now." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathWarrior Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I'm probably not very good at jokes, but I thought of one recently so here's my shot: A group of Canadians are knighted by the King/Queen of Britain, what is their knight order called? Answer: The Knights Who Say "Eh?"If you don't know how I got that, there is a Knights Who Say "Ni" in Monty Python's Holy Grail, and english language satire movie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
modder3434 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 hopefully this won't offend anyone, its a joke from Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino movie.... Clint: I got one.... a Jew, an African-American, and a Mexican all walk into a bar.... the bartender looks up and says " Get the hell out of here!" bad i know, but it completely caught me off guard, cause i was expecting him too say something else. However if you want a clean joke..... Bystander: Hey that's a nice jogging suit you have" Jogger: I'm sorry i didn't hear you.. could you run that by me again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slimhouse Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 [all things equal] Q. How many men does it take to change a lightbulb..!? A. Non, a women has already DONE IT!!! :thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slimhouse Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Three Lightbulbs walk into a Bar... Barman: "..erm, sorry we don't serve lightbulbs in here! Lightbulbs: "...??..." Barman: "The sign says.." (points to) ~YOUR IN THE WRONG JOKE!!!~ Lightbulbs: "Well, would you mind telling The Blonde at the bar she's from fooooking (IRE, CAN, BEL, etc etc) :tongue: :tongue: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illiad86 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 (edited) This one is kinda stupid, but it made me laugh: Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean eye survivors of a sunken ship "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody" And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh** inside!" Edited March 8, 2012 by Illiad86 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeyYou Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 This one is kinda stupid, but it made me laugh: Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean eye survivors of a sunken ship "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody" And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh** inside!" That's horrible. And I laughed my keester off. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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