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Herculine

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Posts posted by Herculine

    jonas brothers

    in Off-Topic

    Posted

    You boys are so gullible! Can't you see that these kids have come up with a sure-fire gimmick? Whether famous or infamous, it's making them well-known! Remember T.A.T.U.? Oh, that's right... you didn't complain about them because guys get off on seeing girls kiss each other. But when it's two guys, suddenly it's "OMG! WTF?". So immature...

    Narratives by Herculine

    in Druid's Garden

    Posted

    Thank you for the advice, I really do appreciate it.

     

    But... she's alone in a wilderness. Who should she be talking to?

    If the character is intended to be stoic, one of very few words, then silence makes sense. During character exposition, however, a bit of dialogue, even if the character is just talking to herself, or trying to encourage a stubborn mount, goes a long way towards establishing a personality. (I.E.; cursing the mount for its weakness, or speaking to it kindly, or mumbling some sort of trance-chant to help endure the cold, or what-have-you... one of the great weaknesses of Eragon, if you saw that film, was that the characters had no real differentiation in their dialogue... their speech-patterns, their choices of words... the young naive hero spoke exactly like the grizzled veteran spoke exactly like the evil wizard spoke exactly like the flippin' dragon, f'r chrissake... dialogue goes a long way to establishing a personality.)

     

    Thank you again for taking the time to give me such in-depth feedback.

     

    I wholeheartedly agree that dialogue should be differentiated, i.e. the peasant and the nobleman have two very distinctly different vocabularies and speech patterns. And I also agree that dialogue is, in both writing and even more so in films, very important in conveying the personality of the character.

     

    When I wrote this passage, or "scene" if you prefer, I wanted to convey to the reader exactly how alone this character feels at this moment, so dialogue just never found its way into the mix. I suppose she could say something to the animal, but it's just a rented beast she's really not attached to.

     

    But, either way, you've given me things to think about so I again give you my thanks.

    Narratives by Herculine

    in Druid's Garden

    Posted

    Herculine, any of us can give you good advise but please be yourself and, if you have to, fight to be true to yourself, to your individual talent as a writer. You are doing fine as you are and are developing as you need to. Taking heed of advise is good but please do not let it swamp your own talent or turn you away from writing. If you have to start with bits of narrative, if that is your path, then go ahead and do so.

     

    Choose your own voice as a writer first and on that basis then listen to the advise of others.

     

    Its harder to do than to say but it is the only true path to your own genuine stories.

     

    Thanks. I think this is the soundest advice I've ever heard given to a new writer.

    Narratives by Herculine

    in Druid's Garden

    Posted

    The thing that struck me foremost about the piece is the utter lack of dialogue; it's all narrative of action and desription of terrain, with rare description of the character... it's not even until page 5 ("left hoof, right hoof") that you even begin to suggest that the character is other than human.

    Granted, it's a fragment of an intended larger work, but if it's to serve as the introduction of a longer tale, I'd recommend that the character exposition focus more quickly on who/what the character is, rather than a description of the character's past deeds (particularly with fantasy fiction, the number of made-up words is best kept to a minimum... they make it even more difficult to follow the story... worst offender in that area that I've ever seen was Anthony Burgess in A Clockwork Orange... have you ever tried to read that book? It required a full glossary of terms in the back to decipher it...)

     

    It's got potential, but like any writing, could do with a rewrite. Don't be upset that your early work doesn't stand up to...say...Isaac Asimov's yet... mine doesn't either (though I can write technical specifications and Operations Orders like a champ...lol...)

     

    Thank you for the advice, I really do appreciate it.

     

    But... she's alone in a wilderness. Who should she be talking to?

    The Little Fairy's Flower Garden

    in Druid's Garden

    Posted

    Darkness and cold, gray sky and rain.

    A lonely, heavy heart, tears and pain.

     

    Buildings like tombstones of glass and of stone.

    My soul wrought with heartache, forever alone.

     

    I search for the morning yet find not the sun,

    Yearning in sorrow for this life to be done.

     

    Sinking in darkness like drowning in mire,

    My heart cannot find what it truly desires.

     

    The clean edge glides freely through flesh against bone;

    My decision is made and my last act is done.

     

    I gasp for air, reach out to no avail

    For my chamber is empty. My vision grows pale.

     

    The Abyss in cold bliss welcomes me.

    I am wrapped in the embrace of Eternity.

     

    I hear lost souls in agony moan...

    Or are these screams in truth my own?

     

    By endless oblivion I am now consumed

    To rest forever in an unloving womb.

     

    I glimpse what becomes of our souls when we die

    Until a bright light then blinds my eyes.

     

    I live no more yet my lungs fill with breath.

    Has my soul somehow eluded Death?

     

    A golden angel's face I now come to see.

    With tearful joy she smiles upon me.

     

    At my hospital bed she had waited,

    Through the long night had anticipated

     

    My return to her world, to her embrace,

    Though I had fallen so far from Grace.

     

    Like heavy lead shame burdens my being.

    What a pitiful wretch she now must be seeing.

     

    Yet at my bedside she still stands

    And with great earnest she now grasps my hand.

     

    "Oh thank God! We thought we'd lost you!"

    Her sweet tears of joy they flow anew.

     

    In this white place where lives begin and end

    I am reminded of the love of my friend.

     

    I was never alone, oh how I was mistaken!

    In this rebirth my heart reawakens.

    Narratives by Herculine

    in Druid's Garden

    Posted

    Have you Read Goethe's "The Sorrows of Young Werther", Sienkiewicz's "With Fire and Sword" (Pol.: "Ogniem i mieczem" [its Polish patriotic trilogy from XVIII century, about fighting for freedom during one of biggest mess of "our" History])? You can chose topic like this, something like from real Romanticism.

    Also It could be War, Difficultes of life, Problems of "unnormal families" (drugs, alcohol, violence, You know what I mean, I just dont know to say it in eng.) etc. etc.

     

    Well, I have nothing against those modes of writing, per se, but they're just not my forte. My head's in the clouds, you might say. Fantasy and adventure with the right touch of erotic romance... now that's something I can do. Swords and sorcery. That's why you're finding it posted HERE.

     

     

    honey as a narrative it rocks,but you can slowly add characters,nothing wrong with that.If you need some help I'd be more than happy to give you some tips or ideas. Love ya lots, Dezi

     

    Thanks. I'll have to do some soul-searching to see if I still have the ambition...

    Narratives by Herculine

    in Druid's Garden

    Posted

    Have you Read Goethe's "The Sorrows of Young Werther", Sienkiewicz's "With Fire and Sword" (Pol.: "Ogniem i mieczem" [its Polish patriotic trilogy from XVIII century, about fighting for freedom during one of biggest mess of "our" History])? You can chose topic like this, something like from real Romanticism.

    Also It could be War, Difficultes of life, Problems of "unnormal families" (drugs, alcohol, violence, You know what I mean, I just dont know to say it in eng.) etc. etc.

     

    Well, I have nothing against those modes of writing, per se, but they're just not my forte. My head's in the clouds, you might say. Fantasy and adventure with the right touch of erotic romance... now that's something I can do. Swords and sorcery. That's why you're finding it posted HERE.

    Narratives by Herculine

    in Druid's Garden

    Posted

    What can I say.

    Nice realm, You know how to use words, Its just intressing... on beggining.

    You cant write nice story with narration only, It lack of dynamism. Its hard to imagine place, movements of characters. You should describe location more accuratly, maybe You should use some more stylistic means. Also I think You should chose more serious topics of novels.

    Not Bad, but I see You can do much better

     

    You are correct in your observation that I don't have a grasp on the dynamic portion of the storytelling skill. That's why it remains in fragments; I haven't figured out how to put all the many ideas I have together into a single fluid story. Thank you for the constructive criticism.

     

    I wonder, however, what is your definition of a serious topic for a novel? Politics? Religion?

    Narratives by Herculine

    in Druid's Garden

    Posted

    Thats epic... I mean, seriously, it's amazing. Even though I obviously hadn't seen the start, I was instantly engaged in the storyand the character. It felt as if I was there.

     

    Any chance of more of the story? I'd really like to read the rest! :P

     

    Thanks. I'll get around to uploading another piece in a day or so maybe, but like I said before don't expect any kind of continuity. It might not even follow the same character. These are just some old ideas I was toying with back in high school.

     

    Thank you for the praise. All your dragons get clicked!

    Narratives by Herculine

    in Druid's Garden

    Posted

    I'm starting this new thread to post some random narratives that were at one point supposed to be part of a novel I was writing. That work was never finished, but I've received such wonderful encouragement from all my new friends here and gained confidence from reading works they have posted that I thought I would share some of this old stuff with you all. But don't expect to be able to follow the storyline because, as the title says, they're just random sections taken from an unfinished work.

    Do schools focus too much on Literature?

    in Debates

    Posted

    Given the level of grammar that I see not only in high school-age kids, but also in college students*, I'd say there is definitely a shortage of grammar instruction in school. You might rebut that with, "but kids aren't paying attention," but even then, some blame rests on the school for passing such kids on.

     

    *- I was able to look over a few papers written for a college sophomore-level composition course recently, and a disturbing number of them were quite shameful.

     

    I strongly agree. When I was a sophomore in high school I found it extremely difficult to understand how one of my classmates had made it to the same grade level without being able to read. Things like that should never happen in our schools.

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