Jokes?

[Fonger]

Have you seen the clown that hides from stupid people at walmart?

that's the store manager

[Thor.]

No, no no, thats the cashier..

[eric31415]

An old man, relaxing on his front porch, sees a boy walking down the street. The boy is carrying a roll of chicken wire. The old man calls out "Hey son, where ya goin' with the chicken wire?". The boy responds "i'm goin' to catch chickens". The old man laughs "ya can't catch chickens with chicken wire". The boy ignores this and continues down the road. A little while later the old man sees the boy returning up the road, carrying a couple chickens. "Well, i'll be damned", he says to himself.

 

The next day the old man sees the same boy, this time carrying a roll of duct tape. Again the old man asks "Boy, what's the duct tape for?", to which the boy replies "i'm goin' to get some ducks". The old man scoffs "you can't catch ducks with duct tape". As before, the boy continues on but returns later, carrying a few ducks. The old man is stunned. "Well, i'll be", he says again.

 

The next day is too cold for relaxing on the front porch, but the old man is so intrigued by the boy that he spends the whole morning watching out of the door for him. Finally the boy appears, this time carrying a stick. The old man is perplexed, so he calls out "Hey, so what's with the stick?", the boy answers "it's a pussy willow". The old man says "Wait right here, i'm goin' to get my coat".

 

 

Well, maybe not perfectly clean, but tame enough for anyone old enough to have an account here. The really funny thing is that this joke was told to me by a 70 year old grandmother (though not MY grandmother).

[nosisab]

Once there was that guy who was very depressed and went to a known bar located at the 12 floor at the building.

He started drinking and after some time noticed that other guy, drinking alone in his own table. Our guy decides to try an approach, go to the other table ans try to start a talking.

 

Is with some surprise he is asked to sit down and share. The other then start telling about how his life has been hard and stuff but he has always found consolation in that bar and mainly in that delicious wine he found there, for that wine seemed to make him lighter and less concerned with the problems of daily life.

 

They began drinking that wine and after a bit a lot of it, the second man tells he is already as light as he could, and ditto... approaches the window and jumps... the first man is frightened to death when in no more than a few moments the other comes from the door and smiling.

 

Our guy from the beginning then is euphoric, go to the window and jumps...

 

Few moments afterwards the waiter approaches the second guy and says:

 

-You really should stop drinking, it is already the third customer we lose this week, Clark Kent.

Edited February 6, 2012 by nosisab

[slimhouse]

I'm not sayin' the mother-inlaw is ugly and frightning to small animals

but #She came to visit 4 days last week...

and nextdoors cat moved house,

-Twice!

 

I'm not sayin' the #Wife has gone completely off Sex...

she loves to come to bed as per usual *all in Black,

..when I get done reading the instructions for-

*Military grade Kevlar*

 

It's "Game on Baby!! "

[zegh8578]

the norwegian, the dane and the swede were on a deserted island, when they came across a magic lamp.

they rubbed it, and poof, out came a genie granting them 3 wishes: 1 for each of them

 

the norwegian promptly wished himself back home to his friends and family

the dane followed suit, wishing himself back home to denmark

 

the swede, being last, felt so abandoned and lonely, he wished them both back again

[nosisab]

Man talking: In my youth I found a genius which gave me a choice on two wishes, a big penis or good memory.

the woman: What did you choose?

the man: I can't remember

 

 

Well, not exactly clean, but not eschatological dirty too

[eric31415]

In the spirit of the holiday;

 

If couples celebrate Valentine's Day, what holiday do lonely men celebrate? ...Palm Sunday.

[HeyYou]

In the spirit of the holiday;

 

If couples celebrate Valentine's Day, what holiday do lonely men celebrate? ...Palm Sunday.

 

BOOOOO.... SSSSsssssss. :rofl:

 

An aircraft made a particularly hard landing after a long flight, such that the passengers were bounced around quite well..... As the plane approached the gate, the stewardess came on the PA to announce: "Please stay in your seats, with your seat belts fastened, until captain crash can drag that aircraft to a screeching halt, and once the smoke clears, and the wreckage is removed, we will open the doors......

[WASD265]

— Hello, are you there?

— Yes, who are you please?

— I'm Watt.

— What's your name?

— Watt's my name.

— Yes, what's your name?

— My name is John Watt.

— John what?

— Yes, are you Jones?

— No I'm Knott.

— Will you tell me your name then?

— Will Knott.

— Why not?

— My name is Knott.

— Not what?

— Not Watt, Knott.

— What?